Monday, September 1, 2014

Becoming empty to become whole

Why is it that we're so drawn to cleanses and diet detoxes? Or why we feel like we have to vent to all our friends about life struggles? Where you get rid of all of the things inside of you to make you feel better? Because we're becoming empty to become whole, and that's all I can think of right now, the only thing running through my head. I guess I was scared to blog about some things because I'm making new friends and I don't want to be that girl, and I'm worried about how people will perceive me and I'm worried about making this an online diary instead of one of those cool blogs where I act like everything is perfect and there's some point of it. I forget that blogging is whatever I want it to be and doesn't have to be a sermon or an essay where there's some point being made at the end, and that it doesn't have to portray something, it's just me. It's just my silly little blog that helped me get through junior and senior year and now I still have it because it's my crutch, it's my therapy, and it's my creative outlet. I get a little flustered when my friends read it because yes, it is my personal feelings, and yes, I write whatever I want, but still, it's a little weird to have everything out there.

Whatever. Blogging is part of my identity and part of the reason I'm here and I think it's just something that'll always be a little part of who I am. In the same sense, it allows me to become empty to become whole. I'm in this point where I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my life now that I'm in college and I have the whole world ahead of me. Every opportunity is now at my feet and it's more than just studying for class, it's about doing something with your life, and it's stressful. I somewhat miss the regularity of home knowing when I would eat, who I was eating with, when I was waking up, when I was doing my homework, when I was showering, when everything in my life was. It was organized into little boxes and though I was eager to get out of those little set slots, it's just so much different at college. I feel like I'm trying to find a routine and a schedule for what to do with myself with no goals whatsoever. Having goals is part of me and the only reason I'm here now-- my goal all throughout high school had been to have a good group of friends and get into college. And now that I'm here.... what do I do? What is God telling me to do with my life? How am I supposed to share His light and his love in Richmond? 

I spent my summer in a constant state of thanking God. Though it started with tragedy with the loss of my grandfather, I found comfort and healing through all the people around me and a gratitude for having Christ in my life. My friends and I joke that we have to sit and "get our lives together" with schoolwork (even though it's only been a week...), but getting my life together means staying grateful that I have such an almighty presence in my life and that He does in fact have a plan for me. 

So I'm emptying my heart and prayers to God and emptying my thoughts onto this blog. Again, this post has no point other than being an online diary. The bit of vulnerability I give up by posting this for anyone with Internet connection to see is worth the support and comfort it's given me in the past years. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I know that I feel so much more whole when I empty my heart to him, and I'm comforted by the scripture:

For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love. By the word of the LORD were the heavens made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth. --Psalm 33:4-6

Happy Monday,
Meredith


4 comments:

  1. Hi Meredith!
    I just wanted to say hi and wonderful job on this blog post! I love that you are real with people and honest about your life. It's so refreshing and wonderful that you share these things that can honestly help other people. I started on and off reading your posts a couple of months ago, I think, and you're so real and I almost feel like I know you. Anyway, hope this wasn't weird, but I just wanted to leave a comment. God Bless You! Hannah K

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    1. Oh Hannah, this was absolutely too kind and you don't know how much your kind words mean to me!! Thank you so much for this comment and have a wonderful day!!

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  2. This post is so inspiring as I am in the same position as you being a freshman at college. It's a tricky time but we will prevail. It's important in these times to be thankful for what we do have rather than dwelling on what has changed or perhaps what is lacking in our lives. I wish you the best of luck and the utmost success and happiness for your freshman year and beyond at Richmond!

    xox, Antonia
    Bashful and Bubbly

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    1. Thanks Antonia-- so happy to have someone else in the same boat! And you're absolutely right about being thankful, I think gratitude does crazy wonders! I wish you much luck as well!! :)

      xoxo, Meredith

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