Friday, March 21, 2014

An unscheduled life

I know you're tired of reading posts about me being busy or sick of the snow or apologizing for the lack of posts or how weird I feel about college, but I think that my blog in the past meant different things to me. It was a way of sharing my heart in a little corner of the internet and making myself feel systematic and knowing that this was my favorite thing on the planet. Go big or go home is my motto, so when I start to really like something, I keep going with it. Scheduled posts, planned articles, planned Instagrams, planned outfits, you name it, I was going hardcore with it.

And in the past month or two, so many things have happened. Unscheduled things. It's not that I've never had stressful times in the past (I survived junior year. That's a lot to handle.), but I could see the end. Even past just getting final grades, it was a mentality that everything I was doing was to be laid out on a college application. I hate saying that because yes, I love learning and doing things that make me happy, but it was clear that a lot of the hard work I was pouring into the things I love would eventually help me. In January, I finished applying to colleges, and I continued doing the things I loved, but still, I was feeling like my life was intricately planned, and hey, I really wasn't complaining. How easy is it to just go along with what you've been thinking about for so long? Get good grades, do lots of extracurriculars, apply to college, wait, get accepted, and attend. Seems like it was my plan and yes, I'm still following along with it, but the past two months have been full of surprises and anticipation and figuring out the next chapter of my life. Things that I do today aren't to get me into college anymore and I'm supposed to be figuring out stuff about my life! Imagine that! 

All that to say, I've always poured my heart into this blog because it's a part of me and always will be. There have been other things that I've enjoyed pouring my heart into, and it's just funny how situations change and life happens and you're not blogging every single night for a few hours because it's your safe little corner where you vent and write about everything in your life, ya know? It's not that blogging isn't one of my favorite things in the world, it's just that when your life starts to become unscheduled, so does your blog. And it's something I'm working on! To be honest, I kinda need that structure of a blog to keep me sane, but I also have to remember that I'm allowed to live life whatever way I want and without feeling like I need to be obligated to do something! Of course, I love blogging and I don't feel obligated to it. It makes me happy and fulfilled and I'm just writing this post to say that sometimes life is unscheduled (actually all the time it is, but I'm just starting to figure it out) and that my realizations have made me feel restless and I would feel bad not being real and raw and vulnerable on my blog. (Ya don't like me having feelings on this? Sorrrrrrrry not sorry.)

But of course, here are a few photos that'll show you that I do actually exist other than my blog:

The weather was too nice to not be driving with the windows down!

I've gotten addicted to my brother's pullover and he may never get it back.

I love my sister a whole stinkin' lot.

I love my Sperrys a lot, too..... they're the shoes you've had for forever and the ones I personally got to wear with my school dress code in middle school (you were it if you had them), but I still love them a lot! I always forget about them, but they're seriously the best easy transition shoe between riding boots and flats and sandals!

Please be thinking of me as I anxiously wait to hear back from all my schools.... then I'M LEAVIN FOR SPRING BREAK ON FRIDAY. CAN I GET A HECK YEAH, please?


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