Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Jelly Beans

Before I say anything else, watch this.

A great friend of mine, Hallie, tweeted this the other day, and usually I don't watch videos that people tweet. But Hallie is sweet and inspirational and kind-hearted (and sometimes I wish my life were like hers) and I figured that if she tweeted it, it had to be good. And my goodness, it was GOOD.

But another confession: I hate things that tell people to live without worrying about the next day, that we only live once, to live with the mistakes we make, etc. Maybe I'm just extremely boring, but I find great comfort in knowing that I can plan for the later parts of my life today. We may only live once, but that's why I choose to make decisions that don't jeopardize the fixed amount of time in that life. 

Watching this, though, I was a little changed. I realized the other day that I have spent the first two months of senior year worrying and wishing away the remainder of the year. I've spent it worrying about college things, test things, business things, school things, and other things that I can't control. Obviously, I understand worry is a good thing and pushes for production, but at what point do you stop wishing away your days just to get to another chapter in your life? 

I think about the part in the video where they take away the beans once you reach adulthood at 18 years. Gasping, I realized that this was me. I am not going to be a child in less than a month. How did I get to be so old? How am I past the point of being halfway to 30? And then, they take away the rest of the jelly beans, in masses so large and alarming, I wished I could eat, sleep, shower, and work all at once, because I love jelly beans and don't want them wasted on sitting around in my car or standing in line.

I thought about my jelly beans from the past two months. Senior year is supposed to be the best year of high school and is supposed to not be as worrisome as it is. Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to give up all responsibilities in order to maximize my jelly bean potential (I enjoy my work jelly beans), but I have to come to the fact that I am wasting some 'extra' beans on worrying. I should not be worrying about how many jelly beans I have to get through before I get to college, or the number remaining until I'm married or have a certain income level.

What I should be doing is thinking about how I'm going to spend the remainder of my jelly beans, as if I'm eating my very last one. I'm not saying that I'm going to go out and live it up on that last day, but rather savor every day as if it's the last bite by doing something meaningful, even if it's small, that changes my life or the life of others.

I'm not giving up on the things that I work really hard towards, I promise. I don't want all of this to come across as a "Well, have to change my whole life and work ethic based around a bunch of candies." I believe in hard work and goals and will strive towards those goals everyday, but I never realized how few of those extra jelly beans I had in my life.

And heck, if I do have to be a little worried at times, I'd hope that I'm always in the front row, making the most out of it.

I hope that neither this post nor this video were depressing, but rather, enlightening. You don't necessarily have to go out and change your jelly bean pathway, but I hope that you do think about each sweet day as a sweet jelly bean, to be treated with savor and longing for each bean to be better. 

Enjoy your jelly beans.


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